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Politics, Boobies, and Beer

Illinois Governor Race 2014

I have always been a huge fan of entertainment. In Illinois, there is a source of amusement, frustration, and incredulous observations that never ends. I am of course referring to Illinois politics...

This next election cycle looks to be a source of great amusement to some and great disdain to others, especially for  the race for the big enchillada...Governor of the State of Illinois. The jokes regarding that position of leadership in Illinois are too numerous to list, especially when we look at the conviction rate of previous Governors. Jokes such as " Illinois needs a man of convictions...and usually gets one!" and "4 out of 5 Illinois Governors prefer Dirksen Federal Building to be indicted at." are examples of the true nature of how Illnois is perceived by other states and its' own citizenry. In the past, those jokes were of little concern and bought laughter and winks from people because Illinois was a State that worked...and worked well. Some may even say that it worked well BECAUSE of the shenanigans that went on in Chicago and Springfield. Sadly, that is not the case today. Corruption and incompetence have made our state a joke..and not in an amusing way.

Unfortunately, there is every indication that this next election will bring the same old candidates out to hack, swing, bribe, and mislead us into putting them into those rundown shacks in Springfield. One must wonder why a sane person that wants us to believe they are fiscally responsible would spend millions of dollars to get elected to a position that pays slightly more than a succesfull plumber and far less than a school superintendent. The answer seems to lie in where those dollars are coming from.

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If Illinois is so broke, how come we keep writing checks? Well that answer is simple. If your accounting isn't agreeable to you, just change accounting practices and problem solved! If you start taking heat for not doing your job as a Representative or Senator, just run for another poition and problem solved! Deciphering Springfield politicians and their positions is like playing Whack-a-Mole. Just when you get the hammer ready to put down and nail one, they pop up in a different position... This is not to say that all Illinois politicos are corrupt or incompetent, but the system sure is! Having said that, let's take a look at the list of candidates for Governor, or as I like to call them...potential defendants.

Brady(Republican) will probably run again, although for the life of me I have no idea where he's going to find the money. He's still paying off debt from his 2 previous campaigns and was recently sued and lost on a sizable lawsuit. Last election he had to borrow from out of state banks. But he'll run again, sure as the sun will rise. He came in a close 2nd last time so Illinois wisdom will give him support under the insane logic that the "3rd Time's a Charm!" 

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Aaon Schock (Republican) has made it clear that he wants to run. Problem is he looks like the kid that mowed my lawn last summer, a problem Andy "Need to buy a vowel for my last name" couldn't overcome in the last election. And...Aaron Schock has that campaign ethics and finances investigation going on about him. Wait! That may actually work for him in Illinois.

Then we have Mikey Madigan's darling Daughter...what's her name. Lisa Madigan (Democrat) may have a good shot against Pat Quinn (more about him later) with her daddy pulling Chicago, but she needs to do more than just propose action against corruption and advocate for Illinois consumer protection. She actually has to DO something and so far that record, while stellar compared to other Illinois politicians, is about as sizzling as an ice cube tray. And she needs to get a better hairdo...

Dan Rutherford (R) wants to sit in the Governor's seat. Nice guy, writes the checks for Illinois. That should just about sum it up for him. He's about as exciting as beige. Recently he was lauding the fact that he saved almost 50 grand in state money for office supplies over a year. Sounds okay, not impressive but okay...until you ask him why exactly were we overspending that 50 grand in the first place! It doesn't help that he enthusiastically got in bed with the Romney/Ryan debacle and many people perceive him to be a zealot GOP'er with a "sacrifice the working class and elderly" attitude towards budget balancing.  

Mark Kirk (R) is another potential Big Cheese. Veteran, has some decent credentials. Unfortunately, there was a bit of an "exageration" to his military record that came out in the past election, and will undoubtedly surface again. He truly is a decent person and has served his country and community in the past, but he has no legs in this race and not enough funding.

Bill Daley (D) has said he wants to be supreme exalted droid of Illinois. He has white house experience, a great Chicago name, but is perceived as a bit out of touch with Illinois problems, especially since he's spent so much time out of state these years. He also has publicly stated that he will not run against Lisa Madigan, which could be perceived as being a Mike Madigan "yes man". Illinois needs a leader that bows to no one if we want to get these problems fixed, and Daley doesn't seem to fit that bill. I'm not saying he bows a lot, but if you look closely you'll probably see a hinge at his beltline.

Then we get to Pat Quinn (D), the residing emperor over the Kingdom of the inept in Illinois. His cartoon mascot "Squeezy", a boa constrictor depicted as pensioners squeezing the life out of Illinois taxpayers was another example of "theater of the absurd" in Springfield. He backpedaled off that boondoggle faster than I backpedaled a bike when I ran into a nest of copperheads! But make no mistakes, "Squeezy" will come back into public light again, only this time to work against Quinn. The big question Quinn has avoided is "How could you NOT know what Blago was doing?" His latest budget poposal calls for substantial revenue increases, all of which will go towards pensions funding. How that solves the problem is beyond me. He's like a self taught doctor busily slapping band-aids and iodine on skin cancer...feeling self important but basically inneffective.

Let's not forget Joe "I'm not that damned hippie singer!" Walsh (R  now unemployed). His tea party rhetoric and rantings, as well as his publicized screaming at his constituents for suggesting that Wall Street had problems, coupled with his backlog of missed child support payments make him the winner of the Best Float in the Delusional and Out-of-Touch Candidate Parade. To his defense, I think he's still recovering from that awkward moment when Tammy Duckworth (D and decorated veteran) beat him about the head and shoulders with her wooden leg while screaming "You want to see how a true hero fights, Joe? Here's how, you tea slurping corporate pandering over medicated idiot!" I'm thinking Joe will opt out to get his own reality show. How about "Here Comes Joey Poo-Poo!"?

That actually leads up to Tammy Duckworth (D). When asked if she would consider a run for Governor, she initialy replied " Sure, which state?" Lately she just smiles like the Mona Lisa, so who knows if she would consider it?

Finally, we have a newcomer to the field of politics. And folks, it just doesnt get any more enteraining than this. We already know pretty much everything about these other candidates, but this new guy is an unknown variable.

Bruce "Bruce Who?" Rauner (R/D/I/?) is a gazzillion-aire that has avoided being drafted into politics despite numerous people from BOTH parties actually BEGGING him to run for Governor in the past 3 elections. He's a registered Republican, and is married to a high profile Democrat, Diana. They have the Rauner Foundation and are advocates for education and other causes. They gave a few grants to some Home and School organizations in Dist 308 a few years ago when 308 was having such political strife. Nice guy, but a bit brusque. 

Rumor has it that in his early 40's, Rauner actually physically threatend a vulture capitalist with bodily harm for trying to raid and break up an Illinois manufacturing company. I don't know if the GOP will trust a guy with that much guts and that contributes to both parties' campaigns (I think he's like me, votes for best man for the job and not straight party line). I also have doubts they will support someone they can't dictate orders to and can't intimidate. And that makes him a threat to his own party and a threat to the Democrats as well. Already Aaron Schock has tried unsuccesfully to take him down a peg, much to Aaron's humiliation and Rauner's amusement.

Rauner has a disadvantage in never having held public office, but he has a distinct advantage in having a proven record of being able to step in and correct fiscal disasters caused by other people's incompetence...and he does it in his sleep. I think he's the type of guy that will not only point out the problems, but identify the causes as well as the culprits and actually take action to fix those problems...and that doesn't seem to be accepted in Springfield and Chicago.

Rauner may be a bit too down to earth for the GOP to fully support. He camps and fishes, drives a 10 year old car and wears a Timex  despite being able to afford, well, just about anything he wants! He's made no secret of his hate for petty politics and social injustice. Sort of Andy of Mayberry meets Jed Clampett and gets an MBA and more. I'm thinking this guy could sit next to any one of us, drink a beer and tell a bad joke without us knowing who he is. If he does actually run, he might be the non-politico that could fix some of the problems without regard to stepping on anyone's shoes. At any rate, he's far more entertaining than the current crop of knuckleheads we have to choose from.

So that's my take on what's coming down the road for 2014. We have a perrenial crop of professional politicians that have allowed Illinois to sink to such depths that we are last in the nation overall, yet want to convince us they have solutions to the prolems they contributed to... We also have one oddball billionaire political outsider that would have to be dragged into the race with his front porch still under his fingernails. That's about it... so far. We haven't heard from the wacko's and alien candidate waiting for the mothership to return yet. I'm probably going to support the guy that actually returns a phone call to me at this point. Unless I get a ride on someone's mothership, in which case I'm grabbing my family and begging the aliens to take us with them!

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