Maintaining Friendships with a Special Needs Child

In the past few years with the popularity of social networking sites many of us have reconnected with old and dear friends from our past.

I am talking about friends who would do anything for you, friends that know some of your deepest and darkest thoughts, feelings and desires.

I am fortunate to have reconnected with many from my past. However, things have changed so much with me having a special needs child with autism, that continuing those relationships seems impossible with some.

For example, the friend that continually asks me to go out for a drink.  I say "I would love to but I do not have a sitter for Kaitlin." A few moments of silence pass and the friend replies, "just ask your neighbor to watch her for the evening." 

Or the friend that wants to relive an old vacation trip by revisiting a resort that the two of us went to back in the day, (by the grace of God, our escapades were kept out of the local news!)

The friend who thinks it's OK to drop my special needs child off with any willing soul for the evening! Sure it may be fine for her, but for Kaitlin?  Is she kidding me, or is she just that insensitive and unaware of my situation?

Or, how about hearing the inevitable you need to list?

You need to, find time for you, meet new people, start dating again, focus on your career and the list goes on and on.

Really? Thank you, because I had never thought of that!

My sarcastic side appears now, sorry, but do they really think I live in a bubble?

Hence, by default, we find ourselves finding a new circle of friends.

Friends that will talk to you all night about your child's GI issues over a weak cup of coffee in your dirty house, while both of your children destroy the living room and scream!

Friends that do not look down on you as unsuccessful in life because you have sensory therapy equipment in your living room, instead of an expensive couch with matching chairs and a classy glass coffee table.

Friends that share with you the most amazing (insignificant to some) accomplishment's of their special needs child that you celebrate with them and share yours as well. Even if it is at 1 a.m.

Don't get me wrong, I deeply value old friendships, but have only a couple that I can sustain right now.

I communicate infrequently with my new friends because of our busy lives, but they get it!

Those old friends remind me often when we do get together of the movie Beaches. Our lives are so different but we continue to support each other through each new adventure and trial in our lives. They also accept my new circle of friends with open arms!

I am looking forward to making new memories with my new friends who keep me sane on a daily basis, and I will continue to support them in return unwaveringly for the rest of our lives!

Cheers, with my weak cup of coffee!

Lisa is the owner of Kaitlin's Hideout, a play center for children with autism and a social, support and resource place for parents. www.kaitlinshideout.com